AppalachianOUTReach

Community Hero

"Stixn Stonz"(she/her)

Our next hero is “Stixn Stonz,” (she/her pronouns) a professional who has chosen to protect her identity out of concern for safety of self and others. However, do not let this diminish the positive impact she has with our communities. She plays a vital role in helping to save the lives of teens who are struggling with a variety of issues, including being LGBTQ+. She serves as a beacon of hope for teens. She represents visibility, strength, and resilience.

This is “Stixn Stonz's” story:

I am a school counselor and former teacher, musician, outdoor enthusiast, and hopeful writer. As a school counselor, I advocate for all students. The students know that they are safe in our counseling office. Proudly, I have displayed all over my office rainbows, confetti, and the latest edition of HumanRightsCampaign and ASCA's magazines. Most of the students are also aware that I belong to the community and there is a solid representation. It is so important that the students not only feel safe, but have a sense of belonging. That is one thing that I am working to do. I want an environment that helps to provide safety and belonging to all students, especially the LGBTQ+ community.

Growing up my aunts inspired me- I have several amazing aunts. One was a teacher and inspired my love for the education system. The other was "out" and she was/is so brave to have come out during a time that was very dangerous. I looked to her for guidance when I finally came out.

Today, there are so many trail blazers that have inspired me in my own community. The ones that stick out personally are my own two kids. When coming out, I knew it could be a challenge for them, and what others might say. I included them in the dialogue and asked how they felt about everything each step of the way. The words that came out of my childrens’ mouths were the most precious and innocent words that I will never forget. "Mom, it is ok to love who you love. Why would anyone have a problem with love?" They stood by me and rolled with it proudly, attending events, being advocates for others that have "come out" to them, and being supportive of the community.

My coming out story is this: walking down the ruby carpet towards a pulpit with a cross, I kneeled down to pray. A man laid hands on my back, as I whispered to a God that I have known since I was a young child, I prayed "Lord take these thoughts and feelings away."

Long story shortened...I didn't come out until I was in my 30’s. I was married to a man, gave birth to children, and the whole heteronormative, christian lifestyle is the facade I tried to create and keep up with. My Dad was a missionary baptist preacher and my mother was very firm in the ways of the teachings. I felt something was wrong with me. I felt that if I prayed hard enough, God would take those feelings and thoughts away. (Guess what? They never went away.) Struggling to maintain mentally the lifestyle that I was supposed to have, I became very depressed. I felt a sense of shame and guilt that I would never be a good mom, a good teacher, a good friend, and all those lies that your brain tells you when you are not doing well mentally. This person I created during those 30 years was not who I truly was. I decided the only way to come out of that deep hole was to "come" out of the "closet" and free myself. There was no point in feeling shame for who I am. If there is a God, they would not have made me the way I am by accident. If there isn't a God, then why do I need to feel this way about myself because of others.

Ok, so now what? I'm a lesbian married to a man and I have kids. Well....I got divorced and remarried (a woman this time). On one side I felt a deep sense of relief and on the other I was scared because those words came out of my mouth for the first time and now I knew what was going to happen. There was some backlash and people were hurt. However, finally I felt free and for the most part the people that I cared about remained by my side. The most important part was that my mental health took a swift turn around and I am continuing to work on that.

My advice for other LGBTQ+ people is:

Be visible (If it is safe for you to). Be present. (Know what is going on in our local government and state and be able to make a conscious effort). Be aware. (Sometimes it isn't safe and if you want to make a difference we need you alive).

Encouragement from Stixn Stonz to all people:

The biggest change needed, "Mindsets" and "Empathy".

The best way we can support each other is to be visible (if that is safe for you). Be understanding that each person's journey may look different and may be in different places.

LGBTQ+ Guide To Unlearning Religious Trauma

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